


if i should run 10,000 miles home, would you be there?

by BloodRedRidingHood



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, IW SPOILERS, family life, post IW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:11:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRedRidingHood/pseuds/BloodRedRidingHood
Summary: She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, curled uncomfortably together on the floor of the quinjet. She didn’t care. She knew that neither of them would have broken down in front of the others, but there in the quinjet, they cried together. Their tears mixed together on the leather of Steve’s uniform until there were no more tears.





	if i should run 10,000 miles home, would you be there?

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "before my time" from the "Chasing Ice" soundtrack.

Natasha was shaking. She had seen people die. She had lost before, of course, but never on this scale. She watched Steve and Bruce and everyone else gather together but it was like she was watching from afar. She saw herself fall to her knees beside Steve, who was himself kneeling in the ashes that had been Bucky just minutes before. She let him pull her close, and they sat there shaking together.

Something was beeping in one of her pockets. Pulling herself together enough to find it, she brought the phone up to her face. It was a blocked number, but there were only three people who had this number, and only of them had not been in Wakanda with the rest of them.

She pressed the green button and put the phone to her ear. “Clint?” Even her voice was shaking.

“Auntie Nat?” It was Lila. “Auntie Nat, we need you. Please. We can’t find Mommy or Daddy.”

Natasha felt herself rise, Steve following close behind her. “Lila, are you at home? Where are your brothers?”

Getting every bit of information she could from Lila, Natasha promised her that she would be there as soon as she could. Ending the call, Natasha looked around wildly for Steve. “Clint’s gone. Laura, too. I need to—” She could feel herself starting to panic, and fought back the tears threatening to spill. “I need to go to them. They’re alone.”

Steve nodded and turned to Okoye, who had joined the group. She looked how Natasha felt. “General, is there anyone you could send? These children are alone, and it’s a long flight to Vermont from here.” Okoye nodded and turned away. She was speaking in the Wakandan dialect into her comm device, but Natasha didn’t know what she was saying or to whom. After a few moments and some silence while Okoye listened to whoever was on the other end, the General of the Dora Milaje turned to Natasha. 

“We have a War Dog in Chicago. She will join the children until you arrive.”

Natasha nodded, and with a brief look at Steve, began running as fast as she could back towards the palace and quinjet that they had arrived in.

The battlefield was littered with bodies, both human and alien. Natasha leapt over them, trying not to think about the fact that the survivors moving with her were so few. She saw M’Baku and some of the Dora Milaje, but she didn’t stop. Even when her lungs felt like they were on fire, she didn’t stop. She couldn’t stop.

She finally made it to the quinjet, which was fueled, prepped, and waiting for her. She saw Princess Shuri and gave her a nod of thanks as she boarded. She was sure Okoye or Steve had asked to get it ready to fly, and she was eternally grateful. She headed to the pilot’s seat and began putting in the coordinates to the homestead. She was still shaking.

“Natasha?”

She started, pulling a gun from one of the holsters on her thigh and taking aim at…

“Steve?” She lowered the weapon. “What are you doing here?”

Steve walked up to her and, kneeling in front of her, finished the take off sequence and turning on the autopilot. The cargo door closed and the quinjet lifted into the air. Steve took Natasha gun from her hand and set it on the ground. He then gently pulled her out of the seat and into his arms.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, curled uncomfortably together on the floor of the quinjet. She didn’t care. She knew that neither of them would have broken down in front of the others, but there in the quinjet, they cried together. Their tears mixed together on the leather of Steve’s uniform until there were no more tears. 

When they finally moved, they were halfway over the Atlantic. Natasha stood and helped Steve to his feet. They were in perfect sync together, just like they always were, as they went to the supply closet near the small bathroom and started cleaning themselves up. Natasha wiped dirt and blood from under Steve’s eye while he wiped Proxima Midnight’s green blood from her neck. He hesitated slightly, then moved the towel a little lower down her chest. Her breath hitched and she looked up at him. His blue eyes met her green ones and held them. Natasha brought her hand up to Steve’s and pulled the towel between them. Her breath hitched slightly at the sensation of his skin against hers, and she stepped into his touch.

What was she doing?

Thankfully, the phone in her pocket started ringing again. Steve and Natasha stepped hastily away from each other, with him going into the restroom and her pulling the phone out and looking at it. Her brow furrowed as she looked at the number on the screen. SAM WILSON.

“Who is this?” She asked when she answered. She kept her voice even, fully aware that Steve could hear every word. “How did you get this phone?” 

“Nat?”

“Bruce? How did you get Sam’s phone?” She didn’t need this right now. She couldn’t just pretend like whatever had just happened with Steve hadn’t happened before she had time to process it. Before she had time to process everything.

“He left it in his room,” Bruce answered. “Look, Nat. I’m here, if you need me. I mean, I’m in Wakanda still, obviously, but I mean I’m here for you. If you need me.”

Natasha closed her eyes and brought her hand to her temple. Of course. He had been gone for so long, and when he’d left she had been…not subtle. “Look, Bruce,” she said quietly, “I really appreciate that. Thank you. But we need you with Thor. Try and find Tony. Help the princess find a way to find Thanos. You three, and Stark, are our best hope right now. Steve and I need to help Clint…”

“Of course,” Bruce replied. She hated hearing the disappointment in his voice, but she couldn’t face this right now. “I will. Nat, call me if you need anything. I’m sorry for using Sam’s phone, but I didn’t know any other way to get in touch with you. I’ll have Shuri— she’s being called ‘Queen Shuri’ now— give me a new phone. I’ll let you know if we find anything.”

“Thank you, Bruce.” She turned as she heard Steve come out of the restroom. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t wait for an answer from him before ending the call.

***

Natasha was startled awake as the quinjet touched down. She disentangled herself from Steve’s arms and stood up, looking out the window into the Vermont night. She could see the farmhouse in the distance, and a Wakandan jet in the field near them. She nudged Steve awake and opened the cargo door.

They made their way quickly to the house. The Wakandan War Dog had fallen asleep with Nate on her chest, but woke instantly when Natasha opened the front door. Placing Baby Nate on the couch gently, the War Dog nodded at them before leaving the house with a nod. No words were exchanged, but the look on the spy’s face made it clear that she knew her presence had been most appreciated.

Natasha scooped Baby Nate up and held him close. Lila and Cooper were asleep in the matching wing backs opposite the couch, and hadn’t moved since she and Steve had entered the house. She knew they probably wouldn’t wake until the morning. Wordlessly, she sat down on the couch, still holding Nate, and Steve joined her, pulling her once again into his arms.

She watched the kids sleep, let herself breathe in Nate’s wild toddler scent, felt Steve’s breathing even out under her as he drifted off. Despite the tremendous amount of loss and hopelessness she was feeling, she finally felt… right. A few tears escaped her eyes, and she blinked quickly. She couldn’t do this, not here. Not where the four most important people could see, at least not right now. 

Baby Nate, who technically couldn’t be called “baby” anymore now that he was nearing three years old, stirred in her arms as the sun began peeking through the eastern windows. He turned his little face to her, and frowned. “Mama?” Natasha shook her head and gave him a squeeze as he began crying.

“He was with her,” Lila whispered from her chair. “Cooper and I were in here doing our homework and Nate was outside with Mommy and Daddy while they unloaded groceries. Cooper and I heard Nate screaming and crying. We found him on the ground next to the eggs. They were broken and Mommy and Daddy were gone.”

“Oh sweetie,” she said. She motioned for Lila to join them on the couch, which she did quickly. Steve, still sleeping, adjusted automatically to account for the little girl’s weight against his side. “Mr Steve and I are here, okay? We aren’t going to leave you alone.”

Lila gripped one of the straps on Steve’s suit and sniffled. “Are they dead?”

Natasha blinked quickly. She didn’t want to admit it, but she had never lied to Clint’s kids before; at least, not when it mattered. “I think so, Lila Doll. I think so.”

***

Things fell into an uneasy rhythm over the next few weeks. Cooper taught Steve everything that Clint would do on a daily basis, while Lila helped Natasha with Baby Nate. Nate cried for Laura most of the time, crying out in his little voice for his Mama. At night after the kids were asleep, Steve and Natasha would go over the briefs from Wakanda and the remaining government officials.

Nearly 4 billion people had turned to ash in an instant. There were countless children in need of homes and caregivers. Millions of people were injured when cars, planes, trains, and more crashed. Search and Rescue in dozens of countries were overwhelmed finding out who was missing, injured, or dead.

Natasha watched Steve, knowing he wanted to be out there but knowing even more that he wouldn’t leave her. He had lost Bucky and Sam, and she knew he wouldn’t leave her unless she very explicitly told him to. Even then she wasn’t sure he would go. She honestly didn’t know if she would be able to hold it together if he did. They had been feeding off of each other’s strength in the face of tremendous loss. 

After the briefs, they would lay together on the bed in Natasha’s room. They fit together so well, she thought as she breathed in his scent. He would silently press kisses into her hair until they fell asleep. He held her through her nightmares, and she woke him up from his. She couldn’t help but think, as she lay there in the dark, that this is what could have happened if they had finally gotten that break they had often joked about.

She just hated that it had happened like this.

Steve was surprisingly good at separating the Captain from man. Natasha watched as he spent time with the children, both one-on-one and together. Lila loved that Steve was an artist, while Cooper would toss an old football back and forth with him. When Nate was calm, Steve would toss him in the air and chase him around the house. Nate loved playing with Steve’s shield, and would sit in it as Steve spun him gently. 

After about a month, Natasha felt herself getting antsy. There had been no news on Stark. Bruce told her that he thought that maybe Stark hadn’t made it. No one had seen Tony since Thanos’ lackeys had first shown up. Pepper checked in occasionally, but she hadn’t heard anything from him either. Thor hadn’t been able to find him either, with his new Bifrost weapon. She longed to be out there, searching for her friend.

She stood at the counter in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for the stir-fry they had all decided on for dinner, watching Steve play Monopoly with the kids. She had to admit, they were all adjusting relatively well. She knew Cooper wouldn’t let them see him cry, that he was trying to be strong for his siblings. Lila would often hide in her room; Natasha had found her hiding in the closet holding a picture of Clint and Laura close to her chest. But they were moving forward. She was proud of them, and sad for them. No child should have to move forward like this; Lila, Cooper, and Nate were now just three of millions having to do so.

Steve caught her eye and smiled, breaking her out of her thoughts. Things with him had moved forward, too, albeit slowly. She wasn’t sure exactly where they were moving to, but she was more than willing to go along for the ride. She had been fighting these feelings since the Accords had torn them all apart, since she left Tony and went to find Steve in the wind.

She had spent nearly every day of the last two years with him. They’d gone undercover as lovers more than once, but they’d only shared one kiss on an escalator. As she smiled at Steve, she made the decision that it had been far too long since that kiss.

After dinner, they got the kids to bed with ease. Nate had fallen asleep in his high chair, and Natasha was grateful for that. She put him in his bed in the room that he shared with Cooper, shut the door tightly, then made her way downstairs to find Steve already reading the briefs for the day.

Gently, she pulled the tablet from his hands and motioned for him to follow her outside, which he did wordlessly. They rarely talked to each other, and this was no different as Natasha led him to a pile of blankets laid out on the grass behind the house. Steve sat down, legs stretched out in front of him, and looked up at her with an eyebrow raised and a small smile on his lips. He reached a hand up to her, which she accepted, and pulled her down to him. 

Natasha settled herself on his lap, her legs wrapped around his waist and his arms wrapped tightly around her. They both knew what was happening, but neither of them seemed to have the courage to instigate it. They sat there, motionless, staring into each others eyes. Natasha couldn’t help but laugh inside at how ridiculous this was.

What was she doing?

After what seemed like an eternity, Natasha closed the small amount of space between them and captured Steve’s lips in a kiss. His beard scratched at her face as he kissed her back hard, but she didn’t care. She gripped at his shoulder as if she would float away if she let go, and he held on to her just as tight.

Steve moved from her lips, along her jaw, and down to her neck as she threw her head back. She rotated her hips, feeling him respond under her, and moaned quietly as Steve’s teeth nipped at the skin on her shoulder. She pulled at his shirt, feeling the fabric strain against the buttons until they finally snapped at the pressure. Steve’s fingers found the zipper on the back of her dress and made quick work of it, pulling it down from her shoulders until it settled at in a puddle of chiffon at her waist.

Steve’s hands found her breasts. Natasha was surprised at how gentle he was despite the urgency of his mouth. He ran the pad of his thumb across her nipple and she shivered with pleasure. She rolled her hips again against his growing hardness, and gasped with surprise when he rolled her over onto her back. Steve raised himself above her, pulling back to look at her.

“Natasha,” he whispered. “Are you sure you want this?”

She smiled, nodding, and Steve kissed her again. His hand reached down between them, under her dress, and pulled at the waistband of her underwear. He slipped his hand under the fabric and found her clit almost immediately, causing her hips to buck up against his palm. She moaned into Steve’s mouth as he, surprisingly skillfully, brought her to the edge of orgasm before pushing two fingers deep inside of her. She came around his fingers, clawing at his shoulders as he pulled away to watch her face. He smiled in awe at her as he watched her ride the waves, still hard against her thigh but making no move to get his own release. She whimpered as he pulled his fingers from her pussy and hand from her panties, and sat back on his knees. He pushed her dress up and this time pulled her panties off, leaving her wide open and exposed in front of him.

She groaned with pleasure as his mouth found her clit. She bucked against his lips and tongue as he tasted her, but this time he didn’t try to bring her to orgasm. She arched her back as he gripped her thighs hard enough that she knew she was going to have bruises. Natasha couldn’t believe how good he was at this.

“Steve,” she gasped, gripping at his hair as his tongue dipped inside her briefly. “Steve, please.”

She pulled gently, and he took the cue, moving back up her body slowly, dropping kisses along her skin. When he reached her mouth again, he hesitated. She chuckled and reached up, kissing him and tasting herself on his lips. That seemed to do the trick, and he moaned as he pulled away. He made quick work of his pants and her dress, and they were finally fully exposed to each other. Natasha sat up and took the sight of him in, biting her lip. It was his turn.

She pulled him back down to her and hooked her leg around his waist, flipping him onto his back again. She positioned herself just above his cock, and he gripped her hips as he thrust himself into her.

She moaned loudly as he filled her completely, and that seemed to encourage him. He fucked her slowly at first, as if he was savoring how it felt, and she loved how gently his hands held onto her. But the closer he got to coming, the harder he began to thrust.

She leaned forward, bracing herself on either side of his head, and kissed him lightly. “Fuck me, Steve,” she whispered against his lips. “Please.”

His response was to flip them over so that Natasha was on her back, legs wrapped around his waist as he quickened his pace. He didn’t kiss her, though, and she was grateful. His eyes never left hers as they gasped and moaned together. “Oh god, Nat,” he groaned. “I’m so close…”

She bucked her hips against him, gripping his hips as she pulled him deeper into her. Steve’s hips staggered, pushing fully into Natasha, and she came around his cock at the same time that he moaned her name into her neck.

Steve pulled out of her and collapsed at her side, apologizing and blushing in the starlight as the sticky fluid of his come flowed out of her. She smiled, shaking her head and tucked herself against his chest.

Natasha pulled one of the blankets over them and they stayed there, staring up at the stars until dawn started peeking over the horizon. This was the happiest Natasha had felt in a long time, even before Thanos had taken almost everything from her. She wasn’t sure how long it could last, but she would let the world burn before it was taken from her.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, especially those of you who have been waiting for me to update/finish my other works. i hope that i'll have more time over the summer to write, so cross your fingers.


End file.
